heavy

have you seen the new show "heavy" on A&E? i love and hate this show at the same time.

i like that they try to get into the struggles that people face. how they got to the weight the're at, why they need to lose weight (the health issues they actually face rather than just what they *might* face one day if they don't do something), etc. i like that they try to deal with the emotional problems. they show these people losing a lot of weight in a fairly short period of time, but they're being supervised by people who know what they're doing the whole time. they aren't competing against anyone. that's what i like about it.

what i don't like is that these people piss me off! tonight's episode had a woman who was the same age as me. her start weight is just over 30 lbs less than my start weight and she's all "i can't play with my kids" and it shows her getting out of breath just walking across the yard and climbing up on a trampoline. wtf? that isn't cuz you're fat, girl, that's cuz you're out of shape. it's cuz you spend too much time on the couch and not enough moving. i'm slower than someone my age who's normal weight, but i can do just about anything they can do. most stuff that i can't do (or am uncomfortable doing) are because of weight limits (a lot of fun "toys" have weight limits between 175 and 250 lbs) rather than because i actually can't physically handle it.

i don't have high blood pressure (it borders on high when i'm stressed out), i've been tested for IR and other blood sugar issues repeatedly and the tests never show any signs of a problem, i can climb a flight of stairs, i can walk a mile, i can jog/run in short bursts (but it hurts my ankles!), and if you put a camera in my face while i was working out, you can bet the LAST thing i would do would be cry or whine about it being too hard! i would probably keep going til i dropped or literally COULD NOT do another rep cuz i wouldn't wanna look like a ***** on national TV!

so i guess....i like the show. i (so far, anyway) HATE the people on it. what do you think?

back at it again.....

so i've been mia. i started a new job, which is awesome! i'm working in an AFC home with developmentally disabled adults. i won't go too in depth right now, but it's great to be doing a job that meets a true need in the community. nobody truly needs fast food or craft supplies. both are nice, but people could get by without them. however, as long as there are people with disabilities that can't care for themselves, someone needs to be there to look out for them.

i'm trying really hard to get back on track as far as counting my calories and getting back into the habit of exercising regularly. i actually tracked all my calories for thursday! i went over, but just the fact that i wrote it all down is a step in the right direction. i've decided that i'm going to track midnight to midnight as a day....i used to track from when i woke up til i went to bed, but i'm working overnights at my new job, and still working day shifts at my old job, so i think that will be the most consistent way to track.

now, let's see if i can stick to it. :)

a new hope

i haven't been paying much attention to my online life lately other than a few games that i play when i get bored. i also haven't been paying much attention to my weight loss efforts. i suppose i get discouraged easily.

i've been told that i have PCOS, so long cycles don't mean anything to me. but i was starting to feel like this last one was never going to end. i mean, mine tend to be irregular and long - usually between 35 and 60 days. this last one was over 100! i think the only time i've passed into triple digits before was right after i went off the pill. so....since i was about 98% sure i wasn't pregnant, i'm relieved to have my period.

then, thanks to the holidays and the hours i work during them, life got kinda hectic. this caused me to fall out of step on my walking schedule, and i've been craving sweets hardcore for the last month. i dunno if this is because of hormones or if it's just cuz there are so many more sweets around. anyway, i feel somewhat relieved by the number that popped up on my scale today. i've gained about 7 lbs since the end of November. so....not great...BUT at least i'm not over my start weight for the year. i won't have anywhere near met my goal for weight loss for the year, but at least i can start the new year 10 to 15 lbs down from last year. the current year, i started at the same weight as the previous year, the year before that, i started up close to 30 lbs from the year before that. so....it would have been great to say "look how much weight i've lost!" on new years' eve, but at least i'm moving in the right direction.

now it's time to start planning for next year and figuring out what i can do to end next year down more than 15 lbs.