Progress

Two steps forward, one step back. That's how it feels like things have been going for me lately. I've been doing really well with sticking to my "diet", but I've been craving sweets hardcore and having a hard time not giving in, which also means I haven't been buying Halloween candy. :) Work has been weird lately, too, although I think that's more because of somebody that's feeling a little beat down trying to suck others in so they'll be on their side if/when the shit hits the fan. The manager at my old job has been asking me about coming back for the holidays and, although the money would be kinda nice, I don't know if I want to be working all the time through another holiday season. I guess the bottom line is that although things aren't going great, they sure could be going a lot worse.

The weird part is that, although things are ok, I've been feeling kinda tired and run down. I think that's really the reason I'm looking at the stuff that's been going on in a negative light. I barely see or talk to my friends, I barely make it to the gym, and I don't even really get anything done at home either. I think, o, I'm kinda tired, maybe I'll take a little nap...and then I proceed to sleep for five hours, even if I set an alarm for an hour or so after I lay down. And I still sleep seven hours or more at night (or day on the weekends, since I work overnights then). I don't even feel sick. Just....tired. :/ Maybe it's just the weather changing....I hate fall.

a new hope

i haven't been paying much attention to my online life lately other than a few games that i play when i get bored. i also haven't been paying much attention to my weight loss efforts. i suppose i get discouraged easily.

i've been told that i have PCOS, so long cycles don't mean anything to me. but i was starting to feel like this last one was never going to end. i mean, mine tend to be irregular and long - usually between 35 and 60 days. this last one was over 100! i think the only time i've passed into triple digits before was right after i went off the pill. so....since i was about 98% sure i wasn't pregnant, i'm relieved to have my period.

then, thanks to the holidays and the hours i work during them, life got kinda hectic. this caused me to fall out of step on my walking schedule, and i've been craving sweets hardcore for the last month. i dunno if this is because of hormones or if it's just cuz there are so many more sweets around. anyway, i feel somewhat relieved by the number that popped up on my scale today. i've gained about 7 lbs since the end of November. so....not great...BUT at least i'm not over my start weight for the year. i won't have anywhere near met my goal for weight loss for the year, but at least i can start the new year 10 to 15 lbs down from last year. the current year, i started at the same weight as the previous year, the year before that, i started up close to 30 lbs from the year before that. so....it would have been great to say "look how much weight i've lost!" on new years' eve, but at least i'm moving in the right direction.

now it's time to start planning for next year and figuring out what i can do to end next year down more than 15 lbs.