Progress

Two steps forward, one step back. That's how it feels like things have been going for me lately. I've been doing really well with sticking to my "diet", but I've been craving sweets hardcore and having a hard time not giving in, which also means I haven't been buying Halloween candy. :) Work has been weird lately, too, although I think that's more because of somebody that's feeling a little beat down trying to suck others in so they'll be on their side if/when the shit hits the fan. The manager at my old job has been asking me about coming back for the holidays and, although the money would be kinda nice, I don't know if I want to be working all the time through another holiday season. I guess the bottom line is that although things aren't going great, they sure could be going a lot worse.

The weird part is that, although things are ok, I've been feeling kinda tired and run down. I think that's really the reason I'm looking at the stuff that's been going on in a negative light. I barely see or talk to my friends, I barely make it to the gym, and I don't even really get anything done at home either. I think, o, I'm kinda tired, maybe I'll take a little nap...and then I proceed to sleep for five hours, even if I set an alarm for an hour or so after I lay down. And I still sleep seven hours or more at night (or day on the weekends, since I work overnights then). I don't even feel sick. Just....tired. :/ Maybe it's just the weather changing....I hate fall.

why am i so tired??

life has been going pretty well lately. i still like my new job - sometimes, i have a shift that makes me want to pull my hair out, but overall, i really enjoy it. my old job has been really cooperative as far as scheduling goes. i'm scheduled one day per week there, and i've gotten a few calls when they need a shift covered. so that's working out really well, too, which is good since i like the people i work with there and the little extra money i make by staying there has allowed me to start building up some savings.

i've also started regularly attending bellydance fitness classes. i've been going to one or two classes per week. it's awesome! i don't know how else to describe it. i just love it. :) some friends of mine are getting me into pole dance classes too. i paid for five classes at a big discount, but i don't know if i'll keep going after those five classes. it's a lot of fun, and a serious work-out, but there's a lot of stuff that i can't do there because of my weight. so i dunno. i might keep going, or i might give it up til i've lost a bit more weight. i guess i'll decide for sure when i'm at my fourth or fifth class, so i can see how much progress i'm making. i've only been to one class so far and my second will be today.

so, what i don't understand, is why am i so tired? i don't mean physically tired - that would fully make sense, since i'm working between 40 and 45 hours a week when, for a long time, i was working less than 20 most of the time and almost never over 30. i'm mentally tired. my brain doesn't want to function, i have no motivation to do anything around the house or to exercise outside of the classes i've been taking. i'm struggling with tracking my calories. i'm all whiney and cryey and i don't even want to get dressed most of the time. it's pretty standard for me to feel like this in december or january....but it's april, the sun is out, plants are coming back to life....why do i feel like this? i just don't get it.