why am i so tired??

life has been going pretty well lately. i still like my new job - sometimes, i have a shift that makes me want to pull my hair out, but overall, i really enjoy it. my old job has been really cooperative as far as scheduling goes. i'm scheduled one day per week there, and i've gotten a few calls when they need a shift covered. so that's working out really well, too, which is good since i like the people i work with there and the little extra money i make by staying there has allowed me to start building up some savings.

i've also started regularly attending bellydance fitness classes. i've been going to one or two classes per week. it's awesome! i don't know how else to describe it. i just love it. :) some friends of mine are getting me into pole dance classes too. i paid for five classes at a big discount, but i don't know if i'll keep going after those five classes. it's a lot of fun, and a serious work-out, but there's a lot of stuff that i can't do there because of my weight. so i dunno. i might keep going, or i might give it up til i've lost a bit more weight. i guess i'll decide for sure when i'm at my fourth or fifth class, so i can see how much progress i'm making. i've only been to one class so far and my second will be today.

so, what i don't understand, is why am i so tired? i don't mean physically tired - that would fully make sense, since i'm working between 40 and 45 hours a week when, for a long time, i was working less than 20 most of the time and almost never over 30. i'm mentally tired. my brain doesn't want to function, i have no motivation to do anything around the house or to exercise outside of the classes i've been taking. i'm struggling with tracking my calories. i'm all whiney and cryey and i don't even want to get dressed most of the time. it's pretty standard for me to feel like this in december or january....but it's april, the sun is out, plants are coming back to life....why do i feel like this? i just don't get it.

back at it again.....

so i've been mia. i started a new job, which is awesome! i'm working in an AFC home with developmentally disabled adults. i won't go too in depth right now, but it's great to be doing a job that meets a true need in the community. nobody truly needs fast food or craft supplies. both are nice, but people could get by without them. however, as long as there are people with disabilities that can't care for themselves, someone needs to be there to look out for them.

i'm trying really hard to get back on track as far as counting my calories and getting back into the habit of exercising regularly. i actually tracked all my calories for thursday! i went over, but just the fact that i wrote it all down is a step in the right direction. i've decided that i'm going to track midnight to midnight as a day....i used to track from when i woke up til i went to bed, but i'm working overnights at my new job, and still working day shifts at my old job, so i think that will be the most consistent way to track.

now, let's see if i can stick to it. :)